What to do when in bipolar crisis?

*warning, slightly ‘disturbing’ content. Don’t go do this at home. Get help before it’s too late*

There is a reason that there is a question mark after that heading, because I don’t know. I feel that saying I’m in crisis is a good way to sum it up. Last night I had an amazing eve at a concert, but about half way through I couldn’t wait to get home to cut myself. I don’t do it very often, but after going through very stressful events over the last couple of weeks, I have become slightly unhinged. I don’t cut deep, but I cut lots. I vowed to not do it again, but last night I decided, skrew it. My main issue that I don’t know how to let go of the feelings in me that I have no way of verbalising. So I cut, because it distracts me and makes physical a pain that I don’t know how to process emotionally. It’s not like something hectic happened yesterday, I was just feeling strange on the inside. I took something to calm me down but it had the weird effect of making me completely rational and calm about what I was doing. Luckily I couldn’t find a knife sharp enough in my house to do damage, but usually a razor blade does the trick. Please noteย that I was not trying to commit suicide and know that what I do is not a healthy way to come. At the moment it feels like I’m only coping in unhealthy ways.

I then did something strange that I hadn’t done before. I pulled out a notebook and started drawing and writing with my blood. It didn’t seem so weird at the time, I mean it’s something that artsy people would totally do. I’m still not so sure if it’s really that weird. But I thought about my friends and I know that none of them would ever do something like that, so maybe it’s not such a cool thing to do. Like I say I was really calm, and then I started panicking. I was also fondly thinking of the time I was hospitalised because I’m tired, not of living but of putting effort into life. So I phoned the emergency room, where the very nice nurse on call told me that they cannot admit psychiatric patient without referral but I can gladly come sit with her for the rest of the night. Since I was in no state to drive, she phoned me every two hours for the rest of the night to check that I was okay. There are still good, caring people in this world.

I wish I could say the same of my pdoc. He knows I never bother him and this was the first time I felt that I had a real emergency on my hands, and he always says to call him any time, until I do. Granted in the middle of the night is not a good time, but the nurse insisted that I phone him for a referral but he was very pissed off. This morning I tried to get an appointment or at least a call. He eventually phoned me back and said ‘I don’t know what you want me to do, it doesn’t sound medical, I’m fully booked. You were never on that high a dose of anti-psychs anyway (I recently changed medication, enter fuckup). So I said I was going to increase my dose and hung up. I’ve decided to now, with the help of a more experienced friend, take matters into my own hands, because what am I suppose to do? We literally pay these people R1 000s for consultations and anywhere from R2 000 for meds, and they’re just not there when we need them. Like having an illness all the time isn’t bad enough. I’ve reached a level of maturity where I can (sometimes) recognise that I am sick and try to get help, and then there is no help to be given. Luckily I have a good support system or I don’t know what I’d do.

What do you do when the crazies hit (which seems to always happen in the middle of the night) to get you to day break?

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11 thoughts on “What to do when in bipolar crisis?

  1. I play what I call the waiting game…say to myself “see how you feel in [enter number of minutes here]”. When that amount of time has passed, I say I’ll wait that amount of time again, and again, and again…it sounds super lame now, haha, but it’s got me through some dark times ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sometimes I will also write a sentence (eg. “I hate myself”) and will write it over again and again and again. That seems to help with intense feelings if I do it long enough.

    I hope you start to feel better soon, and if you don’t mind me saying, your pdoc sounds crap!

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    1. Actually a good idea, waiting like that. Sooo hard though, especially when you’ve just lostbqll impulse control.

      I always use to really like my pdoc even though most other people don’t, butni have realised that MY LIVE isba job to him. Whether or not he cares, there is no way he will ever understand mental illness. You can only learn so much from books.

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      1. I think your Dr needs an empathy injection! The nurse I like a lot ๐Ÿ™‚ The cutting thing is a learnt habit an addiction of sorts the say CBT can help but not totally convinced about that one, I hope things come right for you change of meds cab be a real bitch at time. Hope you week well get better take care hugs for you ๐Ÿ™‚

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      2. He definitely does Eddie! I shouldn’t take it personally because I know he’s like that, but it’s still not nice of him. I have my doubts about CBT as a treatment option for Bipolar Disorder. I mean sure it’s important to learn healthy coping skills but when you are in a total state, have lost impulse control or you are deathly depressed, you’re not going to care about whatever you learned in CBT. If Bipolar Disorder is an illness caused by imbalances in your brain, how do you correct it through behavioural therapy? It doesn’t make sense to me.

        Thanks!

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      3. I have been studying BP and BPD for 5 years must have read just about everything there is BPD is another story but BP is a chemical imbalance in the brains synapses to me logically you would have to medicate it to stabilise the mood swings not sure how therapy can actually “fix” it anyway thanks for sharing love getting you personal perspective they are unique to you helps me get a better understanding of what you experience. Talking of therapy have a look at this link. Have a good day ๐Ÿ™‚

        http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm

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    1. Your welcome its one of those things where it may work for some and not for others, but given your situation I think its worth considering all possibilities, may be worth discussing with your P Doc. Hope your week goes well, take care ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. Hey, I am a bit(ok a lot…lol) late but here’s my two cents. If I feel like I’m going to do something I will regret I get into bed and just lay there. The desire doesn’t go away, but I promise myself I will not get up under any circumstances. Despite whatever thoughts come to mind, I try to stay there. It helps me 99% of the time. Plus eventually I fall asleep, which is very welcome. The other thing I do is to go sit with someone. Even if I have nothing to say or just sit and watch tv, I try not to be alone. That helps me a lot too, especially if it’s not at night when I can run to my bed for cover.

    Hope that helps

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